The dramatic detailed scan

Didn't I already warn a gush of emotions washing expectant parents at the 5th month detailed scan of your baby?!!

I thought I was prepared to handle the emotions, I really thought so. Thinking back when Daddy D teared at the detailed scan of Rianne, I was still mocking him inside me. And now, I cannot help feel guilty of wrongly accusing him of being so wimpy and crying over the skeleton pictures of his daughter 8 years back! 

At the detailed scan, we were full of anticipation and undeniable anxiety too. KL was paranoid especially when it was his first time seeing such details of his unborn! He appeared relaxed but I know he was wondering what every single lump, bump showing up on the screen is, and if every measurement the ultrasound technician took implies anything. 

Small small baby (this is what we call him now) was super cooperative accordingly to the technician, as she was able to take all the required readings as requested by Dr Wee. From the images, she explained that small small baby had raised his right thumb like a 'good' sign to show us! She told us that usually babies will be fist-tighted and holding it upright, and very rarely, you get a baby who shows a thumbs up!! The technician shows there were babies before who showed a victory sign, how amazing that is!! 

Ok to the part where I teared. The scan was progressing and 3 of us (KL, me & the technician) were laughing over the thumbs up from small small baby and after that the technician were busy taking a lot of shots from the scan to put them onto a CD for us. I watched the images flashed one after another in front of my eyes, and I couldn't control my emotions anymore! We finally have a baby, and a growing and normal baby!! I find it hard to come to terms especially when I remembered the very traumatizing miscarrage less than 1 year back when my baby was cruelly taken away from us!

But God is good! He is forever full of love and compassion for us! He gave me this second chance which I am so grateful of!

KL is a very happy father-to-be as he kept reminscing about the details of the scan and how our small small baby is such an amazing creature inside his mommy's stomach now!! 

I love you, small small baby and mommy and daddy can't wait for the day to say this to you in person..

Shopping urges!!

I have always been a shopaholic, and I am not ashamed to admit it. But never did I think that my pregnancy hormones actually induce a lot more shopping urges than before! 

It makes total no sense to be drawn to loose, unflattering maternity wear unless you have always been yourself in plus-sized clothes! No, I wasn't attracted to those; but instead the usual pretty clothes in 2 sizes bigger than my pre-pregnant size. 

I love browsing thru racks full of the clothes I would buy without a baby bump, at H&M, Zara, Mango, Cotton On, etc. Then subsequently I get bumped, seriously bumped, because I look fat in those nice clothes meant for slim girls! 

The low-morale me decided to move away from pretty frocks and look at shoes and bags! At least there is no separate 'maternity' category for these 2! 

But I was wrong. Very easily I find myself in situations like "pregnant woman shouldn't wear wedges/heels!", or "this confined style is not suitable for pregnant woman when our feet starts to swell!" and "the shoes not comfortable enough for long walking!" Eventually I ended up drooling over pretty Melissas, funky Brikenstocks and choosing from Crocs..  :(

To me, comfort is the main consideration now where design and style comes after. There is no point flaunting an expensive or gorgeous pair of sandals only to realise you can't actually walk in them! 

I am also starting to reduce the number of stuff I have in my bag daily. As my stomach grows, walking is a challenge and panting or catching my breath is common. So, to make walking (an inevitable task every Monday to Friday) an easier feat for me, I need to go light. Less things in my bag or a smaller bag means I don't have to exert more energy lugging my bag when I walk. 

Waiting for the day where I can simply show up at work with one of my nice little sling bags, and walk with so much ease and comfort.. 

Stress level

I am officially declaring herein that it is such tough work to be expecting a second child while having to juggle work, your first child amongst many other family issues. 

If there was a machine (medically designed or not) to measure my current stress level, you will know that I am not exergerrating. 

Work has been especially crazy, and it is almost impossible to avoid the heavy workload when there is only so much I could delegate. I did considered the fact that I might have to go on part-time if I am getting too much stress from work, so as to minimize the possibility of my pre-emclampsia condition from recurring. Told my bosses this and they were empathic, and of course all of us were hoping that I won't have to go down this route. 

On managing Rianne, I can almost hear myself begging for God's grace to help me tide through every single episode of her headaches and vommitting. It is hard for me as I really am so helpless in these situations and could only pray that those horrible headaches and discomfort will pass as quickly as possible! 

Her school work is the other contributing factor to my high stress level. There's no way I could spend a significant amount of time going through her daily homework, upcoming spelling tests and assessment to mention even read her a proper bedtime story. By trying to complete all of those listed, it would mean that I'l only get to have my dinner past 9pm (10pm at times if Rianne fall asleep later), and have my shower after that before I can finally collapse onto my bed after a hard long day.

It is certainly not fair to my unborn, and I do know that I am not eating as much as I should be at this stage of my pregnancy. I won't blame my husband if he was to accuse me of being negligent to the well-being of my baby! But, I need help..

Sometimes I do wish that people around me can see, remember, bear in mind that I am a pregnant woman. Being pregnant is not a disability, but it means that I am not as good in handling anything too physical, too emotional or too stressful at this point of time; no matter how tough a woman I am.