Love and Christmas

My colleague recently told me about a new relationship she is taking baby steps on.. She is a divorcee, with 3 kids, and is afraid of commiting herself and her feelings to the new guy now. I can totally comprehend, coz it is better to be sure of your own feelings first before you give your all to the other party.

But the irony is, when you already know that you like the person, and would do everything to be with him; yet you choose to back out at the last minute. You give up easily, and refuse the opportunity that is there right in front of your eyes. Why? I guess for a girl, many times it is simply because of the risk you are unwilling to take; and the level of hurt you can tolerate.

Well, sometimes you can hurt yourself when you over-worry.. Life is short, and if you procasinate on every single chance of giving yourself happiness; isn't that silly? My colleague seem to get this point into her head, and very soon later, she was all beaming with joy every day.

It is amazing when you just want to give the best to the person you like, and not expect anything in return. Take for example, when you are getting a gift for him/her, you would be searching high & low for the best suitable presie; and you would give even the moon or stars, if cost is not a consideration. Most of the time, we girls are the thoughtful ones in the relationship. We know what are the practical gifts, and what the guys would be so damn pleased to receive!

One of my girlfriends bought a car modification part for her boyfriend, coz she knows how badly he wanted to modify his car. Ask that girl about Louis Vuitton, Chanel, etc; she probably can name you all the totes from the Spring to Winter Collection. But car parts?? See, this is what we girls will do for the ones we love..

However, I must speak for the guys too.. they can sometimes be very sweet, when you least expect them to be. :) My 'agi' was away for 2 weeks, as he was returning home to attend his brother's wedding and spending Christmas there as well. I gave him his present on the day he left for Korea, and he was very happy. In fact, I know he appreciates very much coz he had just lost his wallet; and so my present was just so timely. I didn't think he would buy any gift for me, eventhough he kept asking me what I want from Korea. All I expect was my 'orders' for Faceshop that he will be buying, if the prices are cheaper there.

When he came back, I had a nice surprise.. I was helping him unpack his luggage, and there were no sight of any gift for me; of course except for the skincare stuff he bought from Faceshop. Then suddenly a little red paper bag flashed in front of my eyes.. and inside lies a turquoise color jewellery box! It is no Tiffany & Co., but I love what K has picked for me!

See, this is my 'agi', nasty but sweet on Christmas!! ;p

Huge efforts!

Somehow I am always learning things through the hard way, and that I reckon this is God's personalised way of beefing me up. To train me to be a stronger and better individual? I hope it is, coz I am very much still fragile on the inside, and has never stopped acting tough on the outside..

The two very important things in my life, now seem to be the ones that get me down on my knees, and forcing me into a state of begging for mercy. They mean so much to me, that at any one point, I know I would definitely become insane if I were to lose either one of them. It may sound silly and ridiculous as you wonder, how can something of such importance be the same thing to break me down, and leave me feeling helpless and clueless?!

Yes, they very much do.. especially when these 2 things do not gel together, or in fact, are conflicting against each other. I am talking about my relationship with 'K' (aka Mr Pig), and my family. It has been like a rollercoaster ride being in love with someone of a different cultural background, strong traditional beliefs and regard of himself with high integrity. My status as a single mum, just didn't work to my advantage, which I am already quite certain there are no advantages leading to it.

K is not despising me for the mistakes I have made in the past, but it is affecting him in many ways, and that makes me miserable. There is nothing I can do now to reverse the past, and change my initial decision about being a single mum. The fact of me having a child from my previous relationship, is creating lots of discomfort to him as he would never be able to recognize me in front of his family and friends from back home. Although he is also mad at himself for not being able to do that, he has no choice..

The second important thing is kinship, which I would never be able to let go and sacrifice. I am ashamed to say that I have been compromising on the time I have with my family especially Rianne, since the start of my relationship with K. I don't know if anyone of you is starting to feel disgusted or intending to throw stones at me now, but this is really not what I want to do in the current situation..

I am lucky to have my mum looking after Rianne when I am out working my a*#. However, I would appreciate greatly if she is a little more tolerant and understanding towards what I am 'balancing' right now - time between K and them.

There isn't a lot of time I can allocate to either party, practically only the weekends. If my mum is not able to compromise and agree that I need time for my relationship to grow and nuture, it will be just too hard for me. I am not indicating that Rianne will not need my time with her, but it is just that she is still young, and she would probably not need so much of my attention (she will be contented as long as she has her grandma with her!). I even think that it doesn't make a difference to her if she don't see me for a night or two, coz this is exactly what happens on nights when I have class or have to work late. Rianne would not see me for a few days, and she will not be yearning for me like how much she yearns for her grandma.

The story of both sides can go on and go.. but ultimately, I will need to come up with a solution that pleases them both. All I want is my happiness, and that they will also be happy in my pursuit of happyness..

Still here..

My dear readers and fans (if there are any, heehee!!), I know I have been inactive for a while.. I don't blame you if you may even suspect if this blog is going to die away like some others you have encountered, usually due to lack of contents, or probably the blogger has grown out of blogging.

No, I assure you this is not happening. I admit that I have recently slacked a little in my blogging, but trust me, you would definitely be magnanimous towards me when you know my story.

Before I get started on all those sobbery and misery (is it really so heart-wrenching? hahahaha..), I would like to take this chance to thank the people, my bestest chums actually, for being here for me and showing me concern when I most needed it. Of course, I needed more than just concern; but my friends offering their listening ears amidst their busy schedules, really meant a lot to me. I can never get this from anyone else except the 4 of them..

Thank you, J, Z, E, & X. Without you girls, I would never be able to make it so far..

Going the distance...

Nah, i'm not talking about the movie starring Drew Barrymore & Justin Long.. though it is for sure that I will be watching it. It is a new long-distance relationship that I just known of, from my friend.

To be honest, I ain't even sure now whether all the social networking sites, chatrooms, or online dating sites are being used morally, and for the right purposes. Are they actually the culprits of many heart-broken souls who may just take the failure too hard, and put a foolish end to their lives??

I speak from my experience.. I know Rianne's daddy from Facebook, a complete stranger who found my profile to be interesting and wants to know me better. Me, being the curious and friendly one, started our regular conversations from messaging on Facebook to chatting on MSN, and then to SYKPE. Everyday, we were progressing to a different level. We became more emotionally attached, and soon we were dying to meet each other in person.

Can you even believe I was the one who initiated my going over to the UK to see him? Yes, I must have been very bold and a little out of my mind. But honestly, it was a little "head-over-heels" in love with him at that time; so it didn't appear to be such a bad idea to go meet the guy I was chatting for 6 months.. What happen next, you guys already know.

Back to my friend, I wish I could tell her that this will be the biggest risk she is going to take. She must be prepared that anything could happen, and that there is no turning back if anything were to go wrong. So, good luck to her in the States, and I am praying hard for her that her long-distance love will turn out to be just how she had pictured him to be..

Piggie's Love

Well, a love story always starts with the nicest things and notions you ever hear about two persons doing in the name of LOVE. Sweet nothings, and touching gestures are simply like part and parcel of the whole relationship, which you (maybe in sub-concisiousness) would hope and pray that these will never stop and that you/the other party will stay in love with each other for as long as you can...

My story is off with a good start, as me & Mr Pig head away from our usual busy schedule to close the mileage gap we have in Singapore, to a not-so-faraway island called Batam.

Mr Pig known for his early sleeping habits and healthy eating lifestyle, was a complete different person who stayed up watching TV with me into the wee hours, had ice-cream, snacks and even supper during the trip! Although he can be sometimes quite domineering, he did gave in to me when he knows fulfilling my wishes would only make me happy.

It is not hard to show concern to anyone, but genuinely coming from the heart is something that can only be felt by the person being cared for.. I caught a cold on the 2nd day, and I was then forbidden the aircon, cold drinks, swimming, and even working out at the gym! It was the first time I felt Mr Pig's intense care towards me when he bought medication for my cough and cold, made hot beverages for me, and even blew-dry my hair after I had my shower. To be honest, I was touched by what he did.

I reckon the enjoyment we got out from this trip was very much due to the fact that Mr Pig & me were simply comfortable in our own skin around each other. We shared jokes, stories, life experiences, habits & flaws, which are probably the last thing you would ever let someone you like, know. But none of these changed how we feel, and I think it had even fostered our relationship more as I am no longer mad when he goes to the gym every alternate day and sleep at 11pm! Hahahaha..

Fated to be loved?

Does everyone agree that Fate and Love goes hand in hand? Forget that it may sound a little corny, but seriously isn't both of them a catalyst, and a driving force for each other to happen?

To be frank, I am not sure why am I saying all these now. Maybe I am just a poor soul who hasn't got any luck with Fate nor Love, and so when suddenly they come knocking on my door; I get myself into a whirlpool of confusion..

I am pretty sure it was Fate that brought me and him together, to be aquainted. He wasn't even the person who walked and talked to me first. Neither was he the first person in the group who asked me for my number. But somehow, we both connected to each other that night.

Can you imagine how sucky it feels to not be able to go out with the one person you really wish to be with? That was exactly what happened after Fate. I felt unlucky again for the longest time, until Fate threw us another chance.

I had to go to Bali for a team conference, and although I didn't get the most of what Fate could have brought me; I am still thankful. It was only through this trip that I felt Fate has been a little kinder to me now, by creating the absence between me and him so that I realise the meaning of "absence makes the heart grows fonder".

So, where exactly is Fate bringing us to now? I don't know, and I don't wish to know.. :) It feels so amazing, and I am confident that it doesn't only happen in my little organ called heart.

ER

Seriously, I would even stay up to watch my fave TV series, ER, if it is only showing at 2am every night. Don't know if you remember the popular series in the mid 90s, with the set in a hospital emergency room. Maybe you might remember the drool-worthy Dr Doug Ross, played by George Clooney? Or the delicious Croatian Goran Visnjic, as Dr Luka Kovac? ;p

If all the above doesn't ring a bell to you, then you are probably someone like me who truly enjoyed the emotional rollercoaster ride the story plot brings with every episode. From exciting to mundane, and joyous to heart-rending. Every tale, every patient in the emergency room, will often without you realising, bring you into the story and get you so emotional. I am not even bragging, but it can definitely get the toughest person weeping like a baby..

Let me give you an example, in one episode, there was a couple who were travelling in Chicago before the wife could not travel anymore, as she was going to be in her third trimester soon. But who knows, the flight & travelling actually cost her baby's life. Her baby at gastational age of 24 weeks were forced to be delivered, and the poor soul only lived for 9hrs before passing away. During the short time of his life, the parents stayed with him throughout. Took pictures, named him and even had him baptized in the presence of a priest. How saddening isn't it.. I was sobbing the whole time in the 1 hour episode!!

Well, I think the best way for me to get back my sleep (now ER shows at 1am, Mondays to Thursdays) is probably to get the dvds and catch the series at my most convenient time. Will go hunt down the complete Season 7, and maybe if I can get them cheap, the other Seasons as well.. can never get enough of them.. heeheehee!!

VS & Modelling

A lady who was behind us on the travellator yesterday, suggested that we should bring Rianne to participate in a baby contest that's happening in June.

Although I would occasionally dream of being a superstar mum, I hardly think that Rianne is a high potential in baby competitions.. maybe due to the lack of skillsets, especially motor skills which I deem would be the top judging criteria. Therefore, I thought why don't I look at other areas which Rianne may be good in, and perhaps groom her in that direction?

Without a doubt, Rianne has got the looks at a tender age. After viewing some amazing pictures of her cousin, Molly, on Facebook, I was so inspired to have Rianne's beauty captured on fillm too. I went surfing the net for professional baby photographers, and many of them have done some really great work.. however those were at really high cost as well.

Finally, this one photographer caught my eye with her "oh-so-adorable" baby pictures and to my surprise, her charges ain't expensive at all! (All you mamas should check out the site : http://www.helenbabyphoto.com/) Needless to say, Rianne was very soon booked for her photography session on the coming Vesak Day holiday!

The location for the photoshoot was at the Grandeur 8 condo at Ang Mo Kio, home to photographer, Helen Chai & her family. We were greeted at the door with a warm Taiwanese welcome by Helen & her husband, and at that point, all the uncertainity and doubts that I once harboured, were almost non-existent at that very instant!

The photography package that I took up, meant to last for only 1 hour. But Helen was so loving her little model that the whole session ended almost 2 hours later! It felt a little like getting ready for a fashion runway show, as Rianne was practically changing clothes every 15 - 20 minutes! Me & Rianne's granny were having so much fun dressing her up, and our little angel was basking in the joy of posing for the camera! We, too had a taste of modelling with a few shots taken together with Rianne..

We were promised the photographs from the session 5 days later. But before they were sent to me, I was again dreaming of my pretty princess one day being on the runway.. as a Victoria's Secret model. Hah yes, Victoria's Secret.. ;p my baby girl, the angelic face with the bod that every girl would yearn to have, and be VS worthy! See the 2010 VS Runway Show here if you missed it on TV last week.

A woman's worth

I am never the sort of girl who resigns herself to fate, and believe that everyone else in her life, usually husband & child, would be the most important people, and they would only be her top priorities.

No, I am not a female chauvinist. But I strongly believe that everyone deserve to have their own happiness, even a wife or a mother. A woman is not born to serve anyone, and she should not be talked into believing that her husband, children & in-laws are the superior beings and that she has to slog her guts out for them. Get a maid if they need someone like that!!

Although I have no husband nor in-laws, I am very much deprived of my happiness at this point of time. For Rianne, I must be prepared that there is no possibility of getting my happiness from a guy, unless this person is able to accept my princess, who is just like a part of me. Well, I don't necessarily mean happiness from a marriage, not my kind of thing. However, this happiness can simply be like companionship.. like someone whom I can go for dinner with, talk on the phone with, go to the movies with, and laugh together with.

I don't think a single mum yearning for these means she's a promiscious woman. She's not betraying anybody here, nor is it morally wrong of her to be seen together with a guy, who's equally unmarried..

It has been 3 years since I last knew a guy and had feelings. Honestly, it isn't really a big deal. But when the opportunity comes knocking at my door, should I jump and grab my potential happiness, or should I just let it go coz I would never be able to convince people that I deserve happiness too??

Time after time..

Pls don't take this little hearted title to be something retro-delic, or something funny. I so much hope this is all a joke, but unfortunately it isn't. The truth's gonna hit us - my family, again, on Friday.

All of us would have heard of the saying "once bitten, twice shy", and fully understand the interpretion of it means one would never repeat a same course of actions, if the person had experienced the consequence (usually very bad) from it the very first time.

I just can't fathom why my brother isn't a believer of this saying! He jolly well knows what the consequences are, if he breaks the law again and he simply chose to take that action, time after time again.. Barely out from the prison 6 months, and he is on his way back inside again!

Honestly, I don't have much empathy for this brother of mine; although everyone who knows me is aware of how much I dote on the youngest in my family. I guess I am more disappointed than upset at this point of time. I just hate to think of how heart-broken my mum will be (she always will be), how pitiful Joaquin will become, and how much trouble it will all mean for me. Don't tell me these thoughts have never ever crossed my brother's mind? Well, if they didn't, maybe some time inside a confined area will help clear his mind and he might eventually recall those consequences?

Not sure if the judge's going to show any leniency towards a repeated offender. But I suggest, don't pin too much hopes. Maybe some people need to learn through the hard way, or maybe some never will...

Those sick-ening days..

What do you get with a sick caregiver, and an equally sick and whinny baby? A super distressed single mum, who's about to lose her mind any minute now!!!

Rianne has had a cough for the longest time ever. We brought her thrice to the doctor, 2 different doctors in fact. I actually wanted to send Rianne to the hospital directly, but my mum was influencing me with tales of the heart-wrecking treatment methods the hospital was likely to administer.

The last time Rianne had a high fever, we went through the same process of consulting several GPs; and fed her with so many types of medicine; but eventually the hospital's treatment worked.

It was very painful watching the unwell Rianne in misery. She would cough and cough, get so breathless and her phlegm would never be able to come out from her little throat. Annie Mummy would pat continuously on Rianne's chest when she starts coughing, and she would even turn her upside down so that her phlegm would fall out easier. However, all these were the largest discomfort to Rianne, and she would be wailing her guts out instead of getting the phlegm out.

Being the only well person among us means that I am supposed physically stronger, and able to carry out more duties, like fetching Rianne's medicine & syringe, getting ready the vomit bucket in case Rianne threw up. No one truly understand how stressful it was for me, helplessly watching my daughter in pain..

Things got worse when I have to fulfill my job responsibility at the same time. I wasn't able to be at home for both Rianne & my mum, and that sucks! I hated myself for being an useless mum, one who can't even give up work for my child. I knew that if something were to happen to Rianne, I would never forgive myself.

With my work (payroll processing) finally done, I took a few days leave to care for the most important people in my life - my mum & Rianne.

Baby steps

~Rianne's walking diary~

Feb 2010, at the hospital for the bi-annually checkup with the genetic specialist -
Dr Lai was the least impressed by Rianne's slow motor skills development when she found out Rianne has not even stood up for the very first time. Her comment was that she will have to refer Rianne to a therapist if she have not started walking by 18 months old.

Days before 16 Feb 2010,
We were trying some of the clothes on Rianne which Aunty Pooja had bought for her birthday. We made her stand up while checking herself through the dressing table mirror in my bedroom. She barely stood for a few minutes and her knees weakened..

End Feb to first week of March 2010,
Rianne's been standing everyday after her baths, when Granny finished dressing her. She would stand still, put her hands together and giggled smugly at her reflection from the mirror.

2nd week of March 2010,
My brother's friend got Rianne a toy ride, and she was so into it all day and night! She would keep bugging us to put her on the ride, and when she's on it, she'l hit the button where the sound of a train would come "toot, toot, toot.." Started to move herself all over the floor, by swaying her bottom left to right, right to left on the floor.

Week of 13 March 2010,
Rianne's baby cousin, Joelle came over to stay with her mummy as my brother-in-law was away on a business trip for 2 weeks. Both babies were fighting over everything, toys, attention and competing to stand. With my mum supporting her arms, Rianne was taking small steps in the living room.

3rd week of March 2010,
Rianne could now walk with someone supporting her arms, from the bedroom entrance to the living room! She was particularly happy to walk when I stood at a distance from her, and urged her to come to me. She would giggle and walk at the same time; especially when she knows that all eyes are on her at the shopping mall. Walking was like a breeze for Rianne in all the comfy shoes she own.

26 March 2010, at Kidz World in the Zoological Gardens - Rianne was just like all the other kids, playing at the water playground. She stood in the water and enjoyed having her feet soaked! The highlight came when she went down a slide gushing with water, FUN!

31 March 2010 and onwards, anticipating the day when we no longer need to hold Rianne's arms and she would walk like a big kid!! Till then, ciao!!

Reflections

My mum always say Rianne takes after my bad temper. I thought , "hell'ya, you're right!"

It is not surprising if you see a mini-you in the form of your kids, as we adults tend to be most at ease and many a times let ourselves loose in front of the people we are closest with; and these small guys tend to pick up things in less than a finger snap!

I wonder if anyone remember the incident where a father actually bashed his biological daughter to death when the little girl picked up his cigarettes and put that into her mouth. Tell me, isn't that an impersonation of what she see everyday? And from someone of that seniority and familiarity, it only made sense to the 2 year old toddler that "if daddy is doing that, then there is nothing wrong with me following his actions."

Out of late, I see many parents smoking in front of their little ones without the least consideration about the harmful effects the 2nd-hand smoke could bring to their children, let alone be conscious about how their offspring could actually pick up this unhealthy habit from them. Now, I am certain that the generation of smokers would go on and on, regardless of how agressive the smoking bans are with irresponsible parents.

I saw this Muslim family of 5 kids, all boys if I remember correctly, with their parents at the market on a Sunday morning. The father and mother were gakking to each other with their hands, they are earing impaired I so assume. It immediately struck me as to how irresponsible the parents by having such a big family, when their disability could very likely deviate them from being able caregivers! That's not just it. The father were smoking while pushing the baby pram with 2 of the boys in it. I was totally disgusted.

I don't know how can anybody be so irresponsible, and bring misery to the innocent lives if you yourself have also been brought into this world by parents who spare no thoughts of the consequences of your existence. I am not afraid to admit that I harbour lots of guilt towards Rianne, as I had gave her a chance to live, but at the same time brought her misery with the genetic disease (NF 1) which she inherited from Papa D.

Rianne has the disease, and if her future husband also has NF; they are bound to pass down the disease to their children genetically. But if Rianne marry a 100% healthy guy, the chance of my future grandchildren having NF will be 50% instead. This means that the children Rianne were to bear, will have a likelihood of being like their mummy, getting a genetic disorder without a choice.

Whose fault is that? Whose responsiblity is that to prevent such a tragedy from happening? The adults.. the so-called parents.. the man & woman whose actions were led by their bodies, and not by the brains.

Shame on them, shame on me.. :(

Rianne turns 1!

I felt so guilty for only planning Rianne's birthday celebration a few weeks before. It was my princess's first birthday, and I was ever so swamped with work!!

Initially I was rather hesitant about getting a chalet and holding the celebration there. Rianne's birthday was on the 3rd day of the Lunar New Year this year, and that means the chalet rates are going to be sky high. The cheapest available were charging per night $288!!

I reckon it is silly to spend a bomb on some place to hold a birthday celebration for a tiny toddler, whom I'm pretty damn sure will not remember a single thing post the party. Well, maybe take lots of pictures and show them to Rianne when she's a tad older; and try to imprint the impression of a fantastic 1st birthday she had into her mind.

Hopefully these will do the job..






Special thanks to my dearest family, who helped make this birthday party possible! And not forgetting my kind friends for their presence and generous gifts to baby Rianne..

Happy Birthday Rianne darling!!
Love, Mummy..

Exams.. Finally over!!

Extremely glad that they are finally over! However, am quite certain I would have attained a supplementary paper in one of the modules - Productivity Management.

Not sure if it's just me, or everyone else in the class who hated this module. The lecturer wasn't too great to begin with, although he is a Doctor. Sure, every lecturer has his/her own style of teaching; but unfortunately his methods don't work for our class. The one thing Dr Lim said that was imprinted deeply into my mind is, "You can sacrifice sleep for now, and sleep next time coz you will then be able to sleep for good and never wake up."

Honestly, which working adult who attends part-time courses, doesn't sleep very little hours? For myself, with Rianne around, my sleep is so much more compromised as I have to ensure that Rianne goes to bed before I can take my rest. This can sometimes be as late as past midnight, if Rianne is too hyped up and refuse to sleep.

Anyway, I am almost completing my studies. One more module to retake (I dropped it during my final trimester in my pregnancy), the MAP project and the supplementary paper (hopefully paper, and not papers). Would love to take it further with an advanced diploma program or degree. But not so soon..

Sympathy.. Do you deserve it?

I really hate to sound like a heartless, vicious and unsympathetic bitch.. but think about it, if I am not as strong as I am today, my whole family would have starved to death, and I probably would have killed my offspring even before I could give birth to it..

I must re-emphasize this - I have never regretted giving birth to my daughter, whom most of you would agree with me, is a hard-not-to-dote darling. I have also never felt unwilling to become a single mother, and have a complicated marital status.

All these purely because I am a strong individual, who was brought up to survive in hardships; and stand up to lead the pack. In fact, at the age of 10, I was already taking care of my two younger siblings whilst being a kid myself who needs to be cared for too. I had to teach, feed and stay united with my little sister and baby brother, because our parents were undergoing a divorce and they both hated to be around each other.

Maybe because of my childhood, I always detest weaklings who fall weak to their knees at any tiny setback. I am a girl, and if I can take any 'wave' that comes hitting me; I expect a guy to be able to face the music too, or not, do it even better than me.

It is obvious to anyone, boy or girl, that childbirth is probably the most noble thing a woman would do for another living thing. For some, childbirth brings the most excruciating pain they have ever experienced, and for some unfortunate others, it may turned to be the most trumatising, and devasting chapter of their life.

I did not have an easy pregnancy, and it even became life-threatening at the last stage! I was lucky to have pulled through, and my baby was born prematurely and needed to be kept at the Special Care Nursery for a whole week after birth. This was hard for a postnatal mother, to be separated from her newborn that soon. And did I mention costs? Imagine the kind of hospital costs a single mother has to bear without any financial assistance from anybody; not even from the father of the child.

The purpose of me saying these now, isn't claiming credit for what I have done. It is what I am supposed to do, and doing it with whatever means it needs me to. I cannot picture what would happen to a baby if the parent has not got the capacity to provide for it, but yet choose to bring him/her into this world. Many young people, I believe are guilty of it..

You may be terribly ill or totally unfit to work, but life still goes on for everyone around you. If you have a baby, you would have to feed him/her regardless of the kind of situation the adults are in. They get hungry, sleepy and wet themselves, just like how they would every other day. It applies even to the sick person. Being sick doesn't make you less dependent on food and the basic necessities. Maybe you might use less of makeup and fashion items; but, you would still need to get on with each day of your life. And doing that, it means you need to have money.

For the adults, it's easier to scrimp on stuff and probably eat simple so as to reduce costs. However, for a growing baby who needs to be fed and changed, just about as soon as we started talking and finished, expenses are incurred like a flash.

It has been tough for me, really hard to bring up Rianne all by myself. And with Rianne's daddy denying that he have never said he wouldn't take care of us, doesn't make it any easier. What is practical to me, is the financial support. Taking care of a baby isn't feeding him/her any piece of food that you can find off the garage bin, or leaving the baby to starve for days and maybe he/she will forget they are hungry. It is money, the monetary capacity to provide for it..