It has been a while since I last attended a wedding. I enjoy going to one, witnessing and sharing a couple's matrimony joy.
My ex-colleague I known since I joined my former company in 2007 was a good friend, both at work and personal. We were in the same hot spring naked, butt-naked we were! She wore my dress and stockings at Taiwan, while I did her makeup for her. Shared some pretty close and wonderful memories for 5 years now..
She and her boyfriend of 8 years tied the knot last Saturday, and both Rianne & me were invited to the wedding banquet.
Rianne was dressed like a princess, and another ex-colleague actually commented she look like the flower girl of the wedding. I started dreaming of my own wedding then.. Rianne in a lovely white flower girl dress, with a diamanté-studded tiara nicely tucked into her hair. Me & KL hand-in-hand strolling down a beautifully decorated aisle of white and champagne, with our princess Rianne walking in front of us. How dreamy is that..
Both KL and I have agreed to do away with the traditional customs of a wedding. That means no dowry, no fetching of the bride, no tea ceremony and no wedding banquet. We will just have our solemnisation and followed by a lunch reception. I know KL has given in to me by agreeing to hold the reception. I am touched by this gesture of his, and very honestly; I cannot wait for it to happen... :)
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
Friday, November 16, 2012
Your missus-to-be, Me
It was like a dream come true when KL suddenly went down on his knees, holding a small square box in his hands..
I knew it was my destiny, our destiny, to be man & wife. I was touched to the core whilst feeling the warmth from the tears rolling down my cheeks.
In the box lies the very beautiful diamond ring, which I have picked previously from the few ring designs KL showed me. A bright sparkly diamond sits in the centre of the ring, accompanied by 2 lovely pink sapphires on both sides of the diamond. A tiny surprise was found on the inside of the ring, with a small diamond embedded into the bottom of the ring. KL later told me the small diamond represents him. :)
I was overwhelmed. Inside me, so many emotions were waiting to burst out in the gorgeous seaview facing suite in Shangri-la Sentosa or otherwise known as Rasa Sentosa.
The clock has just struck 12, and it was officially my birthday when the doorbell to our room rang. KL opened the door and someone on the outside handed him a tray which I could see from the mirror reflection as I sat on the bed. He took that tray straight to me, and it was a chocolate cake with a "Happy Birthday" tag on it. He then reached into his bag, and at that moment; I thought "Yay, he bought me a present when he said he didn't!" It was not a present. It was a birthday card, and he chose one with a really sweet message this year. I read his handwritten note carefully a few times just so I could embrace and cherish the love coming out from his words. Never did it occur to me that his opening sentence has a hidden meaning to it..
"This is a special day for both of us." I thought it meant special celebrating my birthday in a damn lavish way, in this suite which cost KL close to $500! He has instructed me to get the small plates rinsed so as to eat the cake, and so I did in the bathroom where the basin was. I placed both plates on the tabletop of the small corner bar counter, and turned to KL. At this instant, he knelt down and opened a ring box in front of my face. He was saying something at this point, but my eyes were fixated on the bling in the box that I couldn't hear him. These were his exact words : "Ms Regina Lim, will you marry me?"
I couldn't take my eyes off what I saw, and I finally decided to 'test' if what I saw was just a dream. It wasn't. It was KL who removed the beautiful ring from the box, and placed it on my fourth finger. Unfortunately, the ring was too big on my slim finger.
I couldn't resist keeping the ring on my finger, despite it being too big. I asked for a picture of my hands to be taken by KL, so that I can capture this precious moment for eternity. I had wished time would stop at this instant as I have never felt this happy before.
So, I am officially KL's fiancée.. and this day, marks the start of my lifelong happiness..
I knew it was my destiny, our destiny, to be man & wife. I was touched to the core whilst feeling the warmth from the tears rolling down my cheeks.
In the box lies the very beautiful diamond ring, which I have picked previously from the few ring designs KL showed me. A bright sparkly diamond sits in the centre of the ring, accompanied by 2 lovely pink sapphires on both sides of the diamond. A tiny surprise was found on the inside of the ring, with a small diamond embedded into the bottom of the ring. KL later told me the small diamond represents him. :)
I was overwhelmed. Inside me, so many emotions were waiting to burst out in the gorgeous seaview facing suite in Shangri-la Sentosa or otherwise known as Rasa Sentosa.
The clock has just struck 12, and it was officially my birthday when the doorbell to our room rang. KL opened the door and someone on the outside handed him a tray which I could see from the mirror reflection as I sat on the bed. He took that tray straight to me, and it was a chocolate cake with a "Happy Birthday" tag on it. He then reached into his bag, and at that moment; I thought "Yay, he bought me a present when he said he didn't!" It was not a present. It was a birthday card, and he chose one with a really sweet message this year. I read his handwritten note carefully a few times just so I could embrace and cherish the love coming out from his words. Never did it occur to me that his opening sentence has a hidden meaning to it..
"This is a special day for both of us." I thought it meant special celebrating my birthday in a damn lavish way, in this suite which cost KL close to $500! He has instructed me to get the small plates rinsed so as to eat the cake, and so I did in the bathroom where the basin was. I placed both plates on the tabletop of the small corner bar counter, and turned to KL. At this instant, he knelt down and opened a ring box in front of my face. He was saying something at this point, but my eyes were fixated on the bling in the box that I couldn't hear him. These were his exact words : "Ms Regina Lim, will you marry me?"
I couldn't take my eyes off what I saw, and I finally decided to 'test' if what I saw was just a dream. It wasn't. It was KL who removed the beautiful ring from the box, and placed it on my fourth finger. Unfortunately, the ring was too big on my slim finger.
I couldn't resist keeping the ring on my finger, despite it being too big. I asked for a picture of my hands to be taken by KL, so that I can capture this precious moment for eternity. I had wished time would stop at this instant as I have never felt this happy before.
So, I am officially KL's fiancée.. and this day, marks the start of my lifelong happiness..
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
Happy & Sad
Is it fair? I ponder after Rianne's appointment at the neurosurgeon.. The most devastating news hit me without any warning, not even the slightest clue I have about my adorable princess being infested with an optical glioma.
A glioma is simply a tumor, and an optical glioma would mean a tumor growth on the optical nerves affecting one's vision; and causing loss of sight ultimately.
I sat speechless, taken aback by what the neurosurgeon had said; my tears just rolled down uncontrollably. Before I know it, I was sobbing like a baby. Rianne have been sitting on my lap obediently as she listened to the unfamiliar doctor whom she registered she will be seeing regularly like the rest of the specialists she sees every 6 months. At this point, she turned around to face me and asked,"Why are you crying, mommy?" I broke down completely.
The neurosurgeon, Dr Seow attempted to console me by saying it could take a long, long time for the glioma to affect Rianne's vision. He said as well as for the tumor to grow in the brain. My mom who has never expected this to fall upon Rianne, asked naively "So, the head will be fine?" Dr Seow knew I might not be able to speak in my current state, spoke on my behalf to my mom in Chinese. It took her a while to understand that a tumor will grow in Rianne's brain indefinitely. Just a matter of when.
Dr Seow elaborated, showing me the slides from Rianne's MRI scan. I finally understood why the brain glioma is inevitable, as the thickening of the optical nerves will eventually flow to the brain.
The nights following Dr Seow's appointment were spent weeping til the wee hours, until my eyes were too strained and decided to shut. I couldn't go to work. I couldn't live like nothing has happened. I kept lamenting and blaming myself for what has happened to Rianne. Along the way, I dragged Papa D into the blame.
Concern and prayers came gushing from friends and relatives who were equally shocked to hear about Rianne. Some of those encouragement really injected a shot of hope and strength into me. I was simply helpless, deciding it was fate that Rianne has to suffer this. I even said, out aloud, that I am willing to take on the suffering for Rianne. If only that can happen..
We were arranged to meet with Rianne's genetic specialist and her eye doctor the few days after seeing Dr Seow. Both appointments delivered very positive feedback on Rianne's current state. Her body development, learning, and speech are all as normal as any other toddler her age. Her vision was the part we were all most concerned about. You can surely imagine how nervous I was walking into the familiar room Rianne walks into every 6 months.
The eye doctor, a very comical one, who never fails to amuse Rianne and even the adults. She has Dr Seow's analysis in the file, and was thinking through what is needed on her end for now. She said the same I heard in Dr Seow's clinic, "There is no need for any immediate treatment for Rianne, as the only thing we could do now is to cut away the thickened optical nerves which will cause Rianne to go blind instantly." Dr Chia in the most comforting mannerism I have ever seen her to be, added that Rianne's current vision is brilliant, the pupils of her eyes are nothing different, and the feel of her eyes are just right. This has been the best news in the whole week, and so I struggled hard to tell myself that positivity will make Rianne stronger.
I cannot help but ask myself again.. Why? Why Rianne? Why can't Rianne be healthy? Why such happy & sad events befall on me altogether? Why, why, why????
A glioma is simply a tumor, and an optical glioma would mean a tumor growth on the optical nerves affecting one's vision; and causing loss of sight ultimately.
I sat speechless, taken aback by what the neurosurgeon had said; my tears just rolled down uncontrollably. Before I know it, I was sobbing like a baby. Rianne have been sitting on my lap obediently as she listened to the unfamiliar doctor whom she registered she will be seeing regularly like the rest of the specialists she sees every 6 months. At this point, she turned around to face me and asked,"Why are you crying, mommy?" I broke down completely.
The neurosurgeon, Dr Seow attempted to console me by saying it could take a long, long time for the glioma to affect Rianne's vision. He said as well as for the tumor to grow in the brain. My mom who has never expected this to fall upon Rianne, asked naively "So, the head will be fine?" Dr Seow knew I might not be able to speak in my current state, spoke on my behalf to my mom in Chinese. It took her a while to understand that a tumor will grow in Rianne's brain indefinitely. Just a matter of when.
Dr Seow elaborated, showing me the slides from Rianne's MRI scan. I finally understood why the brain glioma is inevitable, as the thickening of the optical nerves will eventually flow to the brain.
The nights following Dr Seow's appointment were spent weeping til the wee hours, until my eyes were too strained and decided to shut. I couldn't go to work. I couldn't live like nothing has happened. I kept lamenting and blaming myself for what has happened to Rianne. Along the way, I dragged Papa D into the blame.
Concern and prayers came gushing from friends and relatives who were equally shocked to hear about Rianne. Some of those encouragement really injected a shot of hope and strength into me. I was simply helpless, deciding it was fate that Rianne has to suffer this. I even said, out aloud, that I am willing to take on the suffering for Rianne. If only that can happen..
We were arranged to meet with Rianne's genetic specialist and her eye doctor the few days after seeing Dr Seow. Both appointments delivered very positive feedback on Rianne's current state. Her body development, learning, and speech are all as normal as any other toddler her age. Her vision was the part we were all most concerned about. You can surely imagine how nervous I was walking into the familiar room Rianne walks into every 6 months.
The eye doctor, a very comical one, who never fails to amuse Rianne and even the adults. She has Dr Seow's analysis in the file, and was thinking through what is needed on her end for now. She said the same I heard in Dr Seow's clinic, "There is no need for any immediate treatment for Rianne, as the only thing we could do now is to cut away the thickened optical nerves which will cause Rianne to go blind instantly." Dr Chia in the most comforting mannerism I have ever seen her to be, added that Rianne's current vision is brilliant, the pupils of her eyes are nothing different, and the feel of her eyes are just right. This has been the best news in the whole week, and so I struggled hard to tell myself that positivity will make Rianne stronger.
I cannot help but ask myself again.. Why? Why Rianne? Why can't Rianne be healthy? Why such happy & sad events befall on me altogether? Why, why, why????
Thursday, October 11, 2012
A life so poor..
I remember when Papa D was still around, his fave way of describing himself was what a poor life he've got! It was at some point making him sound so whiny and so..., helpless. I actually could feel his helplessness, right now when I am feeling it for my poor princess.
There's no one to blame except me & Papa D for giving Rianne a life so poor. So sickly that I fear I will lose her just like how we lost Papa D to the dreadful cancer.
Apart from already been confirmed of inheriting her daddy's genetic disease NF1, Rianne has started showing the nasty effects/implications from the disorder. The very first time she experienced a headache was in August. We didn't quite know what to do, or how to react to the unusual complaint from Rianne. Hence, we only took her to a doctor a day after the occurrence of the headache that came with vomitting. The A&E doctor assessed Rianne to be well and probably suffering from a stomach flu which will just go away in a day or two. I was advised by many people at work to treat it seriously, and send Rianne for a scan. I intended to bring it up to the genetic specialist whom Rianne was seeing twice a year in her appointment this month. I couldn't wait til then. Rianne had another headache in Sept, and this time it was more severe.
My mom did not hesitate to send Rianne to the A&E right after she vomitted twice at school. She actually threw up for the third time at my neighbour's door when she and my mom were making their way to the hospital. I am somehow very grateful to the A&E doctor who decided to send Rianne up to the ward for further observation. Rianne was warded for a total of 5 days, and had a drip on for 2 days.
Our genetic specialist, Dr Lai came by to check on Rianne and ruled out the possible viral infection which the ward doctors have diagnosed. She has instructed for an eye test to be performed, and also a MRI scan to be fixed at the soonest available date.
Rianne had the MRI done just this Tuesday, and dramatic I would call it an experience for my 3.5 year old toddler and myself as well. Fasting aside, Rianne has never had anesthesia before. The anesthetist was discussing the various administrations with me, deciding which would be best with the least trauma to Rianne. I know Rianne can be calm with the gas mask on, so I asked for that to be administered instead of through an injection. Indeed, it was a smooth anesthesia with Rianne dozing off within minutes of inhaling from the gas mask. It was the post anesthesia which drove us a little nuts, and again, helpless when we could not do anything to ease Rianne's discomfort except to take turns to carry her when she asked for her grandma or me.
The detailed report of the MRI scan wasn't ready when we needed it, so the ward doctors actually discharged Rianne based on the preliminary results. However, they have told us that Dr Lai has recommended us to see a neurosurgeon which could be beneficial. I didn't think much of that referral since it was Dr Lai's recommendation so it must be only reasonable.
We went home after a 2D1N stay in the A1 ward. Rianne really liked the room as it practically got everything exclusively for her. I took a look at all the papers from the hospital, ensuring that I marked all the appointments onto my calendar. It was then I actually saw the preliminary results of the scan in writing. Those words never got off my head since then. They were like imprinted onto the back of my head and keep reciting on their own to me!
"Preliminary results of the MRI scan showed optical nerves thickening on the right, enhancing post-contrast." I thought there was nothing found from the scan, so I refused to believe what I saw. However, I know I can't deceive myself. As I typed the sentence onto Google search, I could feel my heart skipping beats like it's on a skipping routine. I didn't want to open my eyes to see what I saw on the Internet. It is not exactly negative, neither is it positive.
It seems that it is fairly common to spot optical nerves thickening in children with NF1. But, some other articles have also mentioned that the early symptoms of a glioma (brain tumor) is associated with optical nerves thickening which gives rise to headaches, nausea, vomiting and even loss of vision.
We are seeing the neurosurgeon later, so I really hope to get a clear explanation of the scan results from him. Please, please let my speculations be wrong..
There's no one to blame except me & Papa D for giving Rianne a life so poor. So sickly that I fear I will lose her just like how we lost Papa D to the dreadful cancer.
Apart from already been confirmed of inheriting her daddy's genetic disease NF1, Rianne has started showing the nasty effects/implications from the disorder. The very first time she experienced a headache was in August. We didn't quite know what to do, or how to react to the unusual complaint from Rianne. Hence, we only took her to a doctor a day after the occurrence of the headache that came with vomitting. The A&E doctor assessed Rianne to be well and probably suffering from a stomach flu which will just go away in a day or two. I was advised by many people at work to treat it seriously, and send Rianne for a scan. I intended to bring it up to the genetic specialist whom Rianne was seeing twice a year in her appointment this month. I couldn't wait til then. Rianne had another headache in Sept, and this time it was more severe.
My mom did not hesitate to send Rianne to the A&E right after she vomitted twice at school. She actually threw up for the third time at my neighbour's door when she and my mom were making their way to the hospital. I am somehow very grateful to the A&E doctor who decided to send Rianne up to the ward for further observation. Rianne was warded for a total of 5 days, and had a drip on for 2 days.
Our genetic specialist, Dr Lai came by to check on Rianne and ruled out the possible viral infection which the ward doctors have diagnosed. She has instructed for an eye test to be performed, and also a MRI scan to be fixed at the soonest available date.
Rianne had the MRI done just this Tuesday, and dramatic I would call it an experience for my 3.5 year old toddler and myself as well. Fasting aside, Rianne has never had anesthesia before. The anesthetist was discussing the various administrations with me, deciding which would be best with the least trauma to Rianne. I know Rianne can be calm with the gas mask on, so I asked for that to be administered instead of through an injection. Indeed, it was a smooth anesthesia with Rianne dozing off within minutes of inhaling from the gas mask. It was the post anesthesia which drove us a little nuts, and again, helpless when we could not do anything to ease Rianne's discomfort except to take turns to carry her when she asked for her grandma or me.
The detailed report of the MRI scan wasn't ready when we needed it, so the ward doctors actually discharged Rianne based on the preliminary results. However, they have told us that Dr Lai has recommended us to see a neurosurgeon which could be beneficial. I didn't think much of that referral since it was Dr Lai's recommendation so it must be only reasonable.
We went home after a 2D1N stay in the A1 ward. Rianne really liked the room as it practically got everything exclusively for her. I took a look at all the papers from the hospital, ensuring that I marked all the appointments onto my calendar. It was then I actually saw the preliminary results of the scan in writing. Those words never got off my head since then. They were like imprinted onto the back of my head and keep reciting on their own to me!
"Preliminary results of the MRI scan showed optical nerves thickening on the right, enhancing post-contrast." I thought there was nothing found from the scan, so I refused to believe what I saw. However, I know I can't deceive myself. As I typed the sentence onto Google search, I could feel my heart skipping beats like it's on a skipping routine. I didn't want to open my eyes to see what I saw on the Internet. It is not exactly negative, neither is it positive.
It seems that it is fairly common to spot optical nerves thickening in children with NF1. But, some other articles have also mentioned that the early symptoms of a glioma (brain tumor) is associated with optical nerves thickening which gives rise to headaches, nausea, vomiting and even loss of vision.
We are seeing the neurosurgeon later, so I really hope to get a clear explanation of the scan results from him. Please, please let my speculations be wrong..
Sunday, September 16, 2012
1 is enough
I'm having mixed thoughts about whether "the more the merrier" is plain selfish saying towards the people behind the scene creating the merry. Or is it motivational speech to encourage people who refuse to cross that hurdle of "1 is enough" mindset, to embrace mass?
Honestly if u ask me, it is definitely merrier (per the saying) with more kids (I'm quoting kids coz this is the intent of writing this post) around in a family, especially on a gathering. But how many of you actually go through the hardship of ensuring this merry stay joyous and not at any time, turn into a catastrophe which everyone remember for a long time?!
I have witnessed parents throwing in the towel when they can no longer take one kid's yelling at the sibling, and the other toddler tugging their leg asking to be carried. Actually it is not the nicest experience to young couples who are in contemplate of whether to add a new family member into their happy couple world. I can tell u right off my mouth now that I seriously am procrastinating. Why should I put myself & KL through the possibility of being angry parents and the likelihood of fighting over caring for a second child?
We are happy now, well, actually troubled over bringing up Rianne at times. So, I'm pretty sure we will be contented with the enough noise & frustration now, than to stupidly commit ourselves into a lifelong responsibility.
1 is definitely enough..
Honestly if u ask me, it is definitely merrier (per the saying) with more kids (I'm quoting kids coz this is the intent of writing this post) around in a family, especially on a gathering. But how many of you actually go through the hardship of ensuring this merry stay joyous and not at any time, turn into a catastrophe which everyone remember for a long time?!
I have witnessed parents throwing in the towel when they can no longer take one kid's yelling at the sibling, and the other toddler tugging their leg asking to be carried. Actually it is not the nicest experience to young couples who are in contemplate of whether to add a new family member into their happy couple world. I can tell u right off my mouth now that I seriously am procrastinating. Why should I put myself & KL through the possibility of being angry parents and the likelihood of fighting over caring for a second child?
We are happy now, well, actually troubled over bringing up Rianne at times. So, I'm pretty sure we will be contented with the enough noise & frustration now, than to stupidly commit ourselves into a lifelong responsibility.
1 is definitely enough..
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
Same Same??
I am writing this on a taxi on my way home after a very long day at work. 13 hours working non-stop, except breaking for lunch and to go to the loo.
Isn't this same same as my previous job? Indeed it is.. I wonder is it me, or is it just the nature of my work, the extensive job scope, or maybe the heavy-duty load that I am facing?
I cannot believe I have to be up and ready for the next day's work in less than 8hr's time! I am exhausted, if anyone can tell by the 'tone' of my words. I must have a break from this same same work routine. I must take a holiday!!
This holiday will be a long and relaxing one. Most importantly, it must be affordable so that me, my mom & Rianne will not need to'swallow wind' to fill our stomachs when we return.
I'l start planning for the trip, book the flights and eventually pack for it! This plan seems so surreal, that I cannot wait for the trip to happen already.. :)
Isn't this same same as my previous job? Indeed it is.. I wonder is it me, or is it just the nature of my work, the extensive job scope, or maybe the heavy-duty load that I am facing?
I cannot believe I have to be up and ready for the next day's work in less than 8hr's time! I am exhausted, if anyone can tell by the 'tone' of my words. I must have a break from this same same work routine. I must take a holiday!!
This holiday will be a long and relaxing one. Most importantly, it must be affordable so that me, my mom & Rianne will not need to'swallow wind' to fill our stomachs when we return.
I'l start planning for the trip, book the flights and eventually pack for it! This plan seems so surreal, that I cannot wait for the trip to happen already.. :)
Friday, August 10, 2012
Attachment & Disattachment
Ironic isn't it? When u get more & more attached to one beloved, you will get less attached to another. This is what it is for my relationships with KL & Rianne now.
As I watch Rianne grow up each and every day, I can't help thinking how fast she has grown and how this joy (yes, there were joyous moments!) will come to an end once she turn into a teen. I was actually secretly wishing Rianne would always stay the way she was when she was a baby.
I love coming home to a warm welcome filled with hugs & kisses. Hearing that "Let me give you a hug, mommy" immediately terminates all the work unhappiness and fatigue. I also enjoy spending time intended for my shower & dinner with Rianne playing "Build-A-Beetle" game, or flipping through a storybook. Even more fun when Rianne gets into the shower with me, impersonate my teeth-brushing actions, making ice kachang from bubbles on our heads, and eventually getting a lashing from grandma for showering so long!
On the other hand with KL, we weren't chatting on the phone as regularly (daily to be specific) as before and we don't even meet on weekends if I can't. He has started his teaching job, and was home around 4-5pm everyday. As for me, I continued my workaholic lifestyle in my current employment; and finishes work after 9pm every night. Honestly, I am at fault too for drifting apart with KL. However, to my own amazement, I actually don't intend to fix this problem.
Well, KL has recently moved in with me due to some family problems he is facing. Hopefully, I wouldn't be sandwiched anymore between my family and KL since everyone's in the same house. Yay!!!!!!
As I watch Rianne grow up each and every day, I can't help thinking how fast she has grown and how this joy (yes, there were joyous moments!) will come to an end once she turn into a teen. I was actually secretly wishing Rianne would always stay the way she was when she was a baby.
I love coming home to a warm welcome filled with hugs & kisses. Hearing that "Let me give you a hug, mommy" immediately terminates all the work unhappiness and fatigue. I also enjoy spending time intended for my shower & dinner with Rianne playing "Build-A-Beetle" game, or flipping through a storybook. Even more fun when Rianne gets into the shower with me, impersonate my teeth-brushing actions, making ice kachang from bubbles on our heads, and eventually getting a lashing from grandma for showering so long!
On the other hand with KL, we weren't chatting on the phone as regularly (daily to be specific) as before and we don't even meet on weekends if I can't. He has started his teaching job, and was home around 4-5pm everyday. As for me, I continued my workaholic lifestyle in my current employment; and finishes work after 9pm every night. Honestly, I am at fault too for drifting apart with KL. However, to my own amazement, I actually don't intend to fix this problem.
Well, KL has recently moved in with me due to some family problems he is facing. Hopefully, I wouldn't be sandwiched anymore between my family and KL since everyone's in the same house. Yay!!!!!!
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