The title means 2 things.. One - I'm back on my blog again, people!! And secondly, Regina Baby's back; with a different self this time!
My friend, Jenn always tell me to self-love, self-realise, and self-respect.. I thought this is kinda stupid, as having a partner aka bf, would mean that I would be loved and well respected; isn't it? But what happens if your bf is not giving you that? She and almost my every other friend yelled, "GET OUT OF HIM NOW!"
It is easier said than done. But I want to try.
Looking back at the past 10 months of our relationship, it seems that the selfless love and sacrifices I've done for him, was practically nothing to him. Maybe that was what he expected from a gf, and I already did my best in it. All my love were over-shadowed by his male chauvinism, and the endless unreasonable demands. It was close to the stage where I only lived my life for him, but yet everything I do got him irritated.
His quick and bad temper, coupled with my stubborness, were the biggest obstacles in our relationship. They in fact, had us fighting every single day during our trip to Vietnam. The arguements got so bad that he left me alone in the hotel room once, and another time, at the opposite side of the road crossing. We even wanted to throw food and beer (for me) at each other at one restuarant!
The final straw came when we fought again on the day of GE (General Election, for those who may not know the abbreviation). It started right at the time when we met for dinner. He insisted on having hot soup as he was feeling a little sickly, and I knew it was definitely due to the lack of sleep the night before. He got home like 4.30 in the morning! I went along with that eventhough I didn't want to go to Balestier, as I was dressed in a leopard print top with my hair all curled up looking a lot like a hooker if I were spotted there!
He kept lamenting about the headache he got, and that people were throwing weird looks at us. He even had my stuff all packed in a bag and passed to me. I was more than pissed already, but I did not say anything. He doubted me when he asked me for the spelling of the word "chartered".. as in "chartered bus". It got me pretty annoyed. He lost it eventually when he tried to show me an application on iPhone that monitors his sleeping pattern. We have interpreted the application description differently, and he shouted at me for being so f&%#ing stubborn again! He said I am just like those f*#@ ing sales people in his company, and that he is really sick of me! He also said that it is a good thing that he was returning my stuff to me, as he think we should separate and have some time away from each other.
That was it, I thought. After spending so much on having my hair extensions done so as to please him, it was still over for us. I almost broke down when he left me at Orchard MRT, and I quickly phoned my kindest gfs. God knows what was he thinking when he texted me in the next hour, asking me my whereabouts. I did not reply. He smsed and called me non-stop afterwards, and I finally gave in and answered. After he knew I was with Jenn, he sent nasty messages like "See, that's your dirty life and in fact, your future." and also, "I believe you will have your 2nd child tonight, good luck bitch!"
It is just sad, so sad to hear this coming from the person I love whole-heartedly. I wished I had agreed with him on what he said about the iPhone application, and I wished deep down that this was just a dream, a bad dream. :(
Friday, February 18, 2011
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Rianne
I wouldn't have thought Rianne at her age, will be able to make up or comprehend what I say to her unless they sound familiar to her. In other words, she probably would know only when I am muttering names of people she recognizes, or food which she loves or ate before!
However, last night in a fit of anger, I yelled at the little baby asking her to go to her daddy in UK and stay there with him! I even told her that she don't have to come back since her daddy wants her so badly, and believes that her future is only in the UK! I was surprised by Rianne's reaction.. she cried out loud immediately, turned over to my mum on the bed, and snuggled up to her whilst sobbing.
She seems to know that I was threatening to send her away to her daddy, and very obviously she doesn't want that! How is it that she knows going over to UK and staying with her daddy, is something potentially 'unfavourable' to her?! Her snuggling up to her grandma, means she understand that she might be losing her grandma for good if she goes to be with her daddy.
I swear I never spoke bad about Rianne's daddy to her. So, I really cannot fathom why would Rianne say "mai" (dialect speak of "don't want") everytime when we ask her to go to be with her daddy. Does she already know her predicament, if she were to go to the UK? Hmmmmmm....
However, last night in a fit of anger, I yelled at the little baby asking her to go to her daddy in UK and stay there with him! I even told her that she don't have to come back since her daddy wants her so badly, and believes that her future is only in the UK! I was surprised by Rianne's reaction.. she cried out loud immediately, turned over to my mum on the bed, and snuggled up to her whilst sobbing.
She seems to know that I was threatening to send her away to her daddy, and very obviously she doesn't want that! How is it that she knows going over to UK and staying with her daddy, is something potentially 'unfavourable' to her?! Her snuggling up to her grandma, means she understand that she might be losing her grandma for good if she goes to be with her daddy.
I swear I never spoke bad about Rianne's daddy to her. So, I really cannot fathom why would Rianne say "mai" (dialect speak of "don't want") everytime when we ask her to go to be with her daddy. Does she already know her predicament, if she were to go to the UK? Hmmmmmm....
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Love and Christmas
My colleague recently told me about a new relationship she is taking baby steps on.. She is a divorcee, with 3 kids, and is afraid of commiting herself and her feelings to the new guy now. I can totally comprehend, coz it is better to be sure of your own feelings first before you give your all to the other party.
But the irony is, when you already know that you like the person, and would do everything to be with him; yet you choose to back out at the last minute. You give up easily, and refuse the opportunity that is there right in front of your eyes. Why? I guess for a girl, many times it is simply because of the risk you are unwilling to take; and the level of hurt you can tolerate.
Well, sometimes you can hurt yourself when you over-worry.. Life is short, and if you procasinate on every single chance of giving yourself happiness; isn't that silly? My colleague seem to get this point into her head, and very soon later, she was all beaming with joy every day.
It is amazing when you just want to give the best to the person you like, and not expect anything in return. Take for example, when you are getting a gift for him/her, you would be searching high & low for the best suitable presie; and you would give even the moon or stars, if cost is not a consideration. Most of the time, we girls are the thoughtful ones in the relationship. We know what are the practical gifts, and what the guys would be so damn pleased to receive!
One of my girlfriends bought a car modification part for her boyfriend, coz she knows how badly he wanted to modify his car. Ask that girl about Louis Vuitton, Chanel, etc; she probably can name you all the totes from the Spring to Winter Collection. But car parts?? See, this is what we girls will do for the ones we love..
However, I must speak for the guys too.. they can sometimes be very sweet, when you least expect them to be. :) My 'agi' was away for 2 weeks, as he was returning home to attend his brother's wedding and spending Christmas there as well. I gave him his present on the day he left for Korea, and he was very happy. In fact, I know he appreciates very much coz he had just lost his wallet; and so my present was just so timely. I didn't think he would buy any gift for me, eventhough he kept asking me what I want from Korea. All I expect was my 'orders' for Faceshop that he will be buying, if the prices are cheaper there.
When he came back, I had a nice surprise.. I was helping him unpack his luggage, and there were no sight of any gift for me; of course except for the skincare stuff he bought from Faceshop. Then suddenly a little red paper bag flashed in front of my eyes.. and inside lies a turquoise color jewellery box! It is no Tiffany & Co., but I love what K has picked for me!
See, this is my 'agi', nasty but sweet on Christmas!! ;p
But the irony is, when you already know that you like the person, and would do everything to be with him; yet you choose to back out at the last minute. You give up easily, and refuse the opportunity that is there right in front of your eyes. Why? I guess for a girl, many times it is simply because of the risk you are unwilling to take; and the level of hurt you can tolerate.
Well, sometimes you can hurt yourself when you over-worry.. Life is short, and if you procasinate on every single chance of giving yourself happiness; isn't that silly? My colleague seem to get this point into her head, and very soon later, she was all beaming with joy every day.
It is amazing when you just want to give the best to the person you like, and not expect anything in return. Take for example, when you are getting a gift for him/her, you would be searching high & low for the best suitable presie; and you would give even the moon or stars, if cost is not a consideration. Most of the time, we girls are the thoughtful ones in the relationship. We know what are the practical gifts, and what the guys would be so damn pleased to receive!
One of my girlfriends bought a car modification part for her boyfriend, coz she knows how badly he wanted to modify his car. Ask that girl about Louis Vuitton, Chanel, etc; she probably can name you all the totes from the Spring to Winter Collection. But car parts?? See, this is what we girls will do for the ones we love..
However, I must speak for the guys too.. they can sometimes be very sweet, when you least expect them to be. :) My 'agi' was away for 2 weeks, as he was returning home to attend his brother's wedding and spending Christmas there as well. I gave him his present on the day he left for Korea, and he was very happy. In fact, I know he appreciates very much coz he had just lost his wallet; and so my present was just so timely. I didn't think he would buy any gift for me, eventhough he kept asking me what I want from Korea. All I expect was my 'orders' for Faceshop that he will be buying, if the prices are cheaper there.
When he came back, I had a nice surprise.. I was helping him unpack his luggage, and there were no sight of any gift for me; of course except for the skincare stuff he bought from Faceshop. Then suddenly a little red paper bag flashed in front of my eyes.. and inside lies a turquoise color jewellery box! It is no Tiffany & Co., but I love what K has picked for me!
See, this is my 'agi', nasty but sweet on Christmas!! ;p
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Huge efforts!
Somehow I am always learning things through the hard way, and that I reckon this is God's personalised way of beefing me up. To train me to be a stronger and better individual? I hope it is, coz I am very much still fragile on the inside, and has never stopped acting tough on the outside..
The two very important things in my life, now seem to be the ones that get me down on my knees, and forcing me into a state of begging for mercy. They mean so much to me, that at any one point, I know I would definitely become insane if I were to lose either one of them. It may sound silly and ridiculous as you wonder, how can something of such importance be the same thing to break me down, and leave me feeling helpless and clueless?!
Yes, they very much do.. especially when these 2 things do not gel together, or in fact, are conflicting against each other. I am talking about my relationship with 'K' (aka Mr Pig), and my family. It has been like a rollercoaster ride being in love with someone of a different cultural background, strong traditional beliefs and regard of himself with high integrity. My status as a single mum, just didn't work to my advantage, which I am already quite certain there are no advantages leading to it.
K is not despising me for the mistakes I have made in the past, but it is affecting him in many ways, and that makes me miserable. There is nothing I can do now to reverse the past, and change my initial decision about being a single mum. The fact of me having a child from my previous relationship, is creating lots of discomfort to him as he would never be able to recognize me in front of his family and friends from back home. Although he is also mad at himself for not being able to do that, he has no choice..
The second important thing is kinship, which I would never be able to let go and sacrifice. I am ashamed to say that I have been compromising on the time I have with my family especially Rianne, since the start of my relationship with K. I don't know if anyone of you is starting to feel disgusted or intending to throw stones at me now, but this is really not what I want to do in the current situation..
I am lucky to have my mum looking after Rianne when I am out working my a*#. However, I would appreciate greatly if she is a little more tolerant and understanding towards what I am 'balancing' right now - time between K and them.
There isn't a lot of time I can allocate to either party, practically only the weekends. If my mum is not able to compromise and agree that I need time for my relationship to grow and nuture, it will be just too hard for me. I am not indicating that Rianne will not need my time with her, but it is just that she is still young, and she would probably not need so much of my attention (she will be contented as long as she has her grandma with her!). I even think that it doesn't make a difference to her if she don't see me for a night or two, coz this is exactly what happens on nights when I have class or have to work late. Rianne would not see me for a few days, and she will not be yearning for me like how much she yearns for her grandma.
The story of both sides can go on and go.. but ultimately, I will need to come up with a solution that pleases them both. All I want is my happiness, and that they will also be happy in my pursuit of happyness..
The two very important things in my life, now seem to be the ones that get me down on my knees, and forcing me into a state of begging for mercy. They mean so much to me, that at any one point, I know I would definitely become insane if I were to lose either one of them. It may sound silly and ridiculous as you wonder, how can something of such importance be the same thing to break me down, and leave me feeling helpless and clueless?!
Yes, they very much do.. especially when these 2 things do not gel together, or in fact, are conflicting against each other. I am talking about my relationship with 'K' (aka Mr Pig), and my family. It has been like a rollercoaster ride being in love with someone of a different cultural background, strong traditional beliefs and regard of himself with high integrity. My status as a single mum, just didn't work to my advantage, which I am already quite certain there are no advantages leading to it.
K is not despising me for the mistakes I have made in the past, but it is affecting him in many ways, and that makes me miserable. There is nothing I can do now to reverse the past, and change my initial decision about being a single mum. The fact of me having a child from my previous relationship, is creating lots of discomfort to him as he would never be able to recognize me in front of his family and friends from back home. Although he is also mad at himself for not being able to do that, he has no choice..
The second important thing is kinship, which I would never be able to let go and sacrifice. I am ashamed to say that I have been compromising on the time I have with my family especially Rianne, since the start of my relationship with K. I don't know if anyone of you is starting to feel disgusted or intending to throw stones at me now, but this is really not what I want to do in the current situation..
I am lucky to have my mum looking after Rianne when I am out working my a*#. However, I would appreciate greatly if she is a little more tolerant and understanding towards what I am 'balancing' right now - time between K and them.
There isn't a lot of time I can allocate to either party, practically only the weekends. If my mum is not able to compromise and agree that I need time for my relationship to grow and nuture, it will be just too hard for me. I am not indicating that Rianne will not need my time with her, but it is just that she is still young, and she would probably not need so much of my attention (she will be contented as long as she has her grandma with her!). I even think that it doesn't make a difference to her if she don't see me for a night or two, coz this is exactly what happens on nights when I have class or have to work late. Rianne would not see me for a few days, and she will not be yearning for me like how much she yearns for her grandma.
The story of both sides can go on and go.. but ultimately, I will need to come up with a solution that pleases them both. All I want is my happiness, and that they will also be happy in my pursuit of happyness..
Still here..
My dear readers and fans (if there are any, heehee!!), I know I have been inactive for a while.. I don't blame you if you may even suspect if this blog is going to die away like some others you have encountered, usually due to lack of contents, or probably the blogger has grown out of blogging.
No, I assure you this is not happening. I admit that I have recently slacked a little in my blogging, but trust me, you would definitely be magnanimous towards me when you know my story.
Before I get started on all those sobbery and misery (is it really so heart-wrenching? hahahaha..), I would like to take this chance to thank the people, my bestest chums actually, for being here for me and showing me concern when I most needed it. Of course, I needed more than just concern; but my friends offering their listening ears amidst their busy schedules, really meant a lot to me. I can never get this from anyone else except the 4 of them..
Thank you, J, Z, E, & X. Without you girls, I would never be able to make it so far..
No, I assure you this is not happening. I admit that I have recently slacked a little in my blogging, but trust me, you would definitely be magnanimous towards me when you know my story.
Before I get started on all those sobbery and misery (is it really so heart-wrenching? hahahaha..), I would like to take this chance to thank the people, my bestest chums actually, for being here for me and showing me concern when I most needed it. Of course, I needed more than just concern; but my friends offering their listening ears amidst their busy schedules, really meant a lot to me. I can never get this from anyone else except the 4 of them..
Thank you, J, Z, E, & X. Without you girls, I would never be able to make it so far..
Monday, August 30, 2010
Going the distance...
Nah, i'm not talking about the movie starring Drew Barrymore & Justin Long.. though it is for sure that I will be watching it. It is a new long-distance relationship that I just known of, from my friend.
To be honest, I ain't even sure now whether all the social networking sites, chatrooms, or online dating sites are being used morally, and for the right purposes. Are they actually the culprits of many heart-broken souls who may just take the failure too hard, and put a foolish end to their lives??
To be honest, I ain't even sure now whether all the social networking sites, chatrooms, or online dating sites are being used morally, and for the right purposes. Are they actually the culprits of many heart-broken souls who may just take the failure too hard, and put a foolish end to their lives??
I speak from my experience.. I know Rianne's daddy from Facebook, a complete stranger who found my profile to be interesting and wants to know me better. Me, being the curious and friendly one, started our regular conversations from messaging on Facebook to chatting on MSN, and then to SYKPE. Everyday, we were progressing to a different level. We became more emotionally attached, and soon we were dying to meet each other in person.
Can you even believe I was the one who initiated my going over to the UK to see him? Yes, I must have been very bold and a little out of my mind. But honestly, it was a little "head-over-heels" in love with him at that time; so it didn't appear to be such a bad idea to go meet the guy I was chatting for 6 months.. What happen next, you guys already know.
Back to my friend, I wish I could tell her that this will be the biggest risk she is going to take. She must be prepared that anything could happen, and that there is no turning back if anything were to go wrong. So, good luck to her in the States, and I am praying hard for her that her long-distance love will turn out to be just how she had pictured him to be..
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Piggie's Love
Well, a love story always starts with the nicest things and notions you ever hear about two persons doing in the name of LOVE. Sweet nothings, and touching gestures are simply like part and parcel of the whole relationship, which you (maybe in sub-concisiousness) would hope and pray that these will never stop and that you/the other party will stay in love with each other for as long as you can...
My story is off with a good start, as me & Mr Pig head away from our usual busy schedule to close the mileage gap we have in Singapore, to a not-so-faraway island called Batam.
Mr Pig known for his early sleeping habits and healthy eating lifestyle, was a complete different person who stayed up watching TV with me into the wee hours, had ice-cream, snacks and even supper during the trip! Although he can be sometimes quite domineering, he did gave in to me when he knows fulfilling my wishes would only make me happy.
It is not hard to show concern to anyone, but genuinely coming from the heart is something that can only be felt by the person being cared for.. I caught a cold on the 2nd day, and I was then forbidden the aircon, cold drinks, swimming, and even working out at the gym! It was the first time I felt Mr Pig's intense care towards me when he bought medication for my cough and cold, made hot beverages for me, and even blew-dry my hair after I had my shower. To be honest, I was touched by what he did.
I reckon the enjoyment we got out from this trip was very much due to the fact that Mr Pig & me were simply comfortable in our own skin around each other. We shared jokes, stories, life experiences, habits & flaws, which are probably the last thing you would ever let someone you like, know. But none of these changed how we feel, and I think it had even fostered our relationship more as I am no longer mad when he goes to the gym every alternate day and sleep at 11pm! Hahahaha..
My story is off with a good start, as me & Mr Pig head away from our usual busy schedule to close the mileage gap we have in Singapore, to a not-so-faraway island called Batam.
Mr Pig known for his early sleeping habits and healthy eating lifestyle, was a complete different person who stayed up watching TV with me into the wee hours, had ice-cream, snacks and even supper during the trip! Although he can be sometimes quite domineering, he did gave in to me when he knows fulfilling my wishes would only make me happy.
It is not hard to show concern to anyone, but genuinely coming from the heart is something that can only be felt by the person being cared for.. I caught a cold on the 2nd day, and I was then forbidden the aircon, cold drinks, swimming, and even working out at the gym! It was the first time I felt Mr Pig's intense care towards me when he bought medication for my cough and cold, made hot beverages for me, and even blew-dry my hair after I had my shower. To be honest, I was touched by what he did.
I reckon the enjoyment we got out from this trip was very much due to the fact that Mr Pig & me were simply comfortable in our own skin around each other. We shared jokes, stories, life experiences, habits & flaws, which are probably the last thing you would ever let someone you like, know. But none of these changed how we feel, and I think it had even fostered our relationship more as I am no longer mad when he goes to the gym every alternate day and sleep at 11pm! Hahahaha..
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