The dramatic detailed scan

Didn't I already warn a gush of emotions washing expectant parents at the 5th month detailed scan of your baby?!!

I thought I was prepared to handle the emotions, I really thought so. Thinking back when Daddy D teared at the detailed scan of Rianne, I was still mocking him inside me. And now, I cannot help feel guilty of wrongly accusing him of being so wimpy and crying over the skeleton pictures of his daughter 8 years back! 

At the detailed scan, we were full of anticipation and undeniable anxiety too. KL was paranoid especially when it was his first time seeing such details of his unborn! He appeared relaxed but I know he was wondering what every single lump, bump showing up on the screen is, and if every measurement the ultrasound technician took implies anything. 

Small small baby (this is what we call him now) was super cooperative accordingly to the technician, as she was able to take all the required readings as requested by Dr Wee. From the images, she explained that small small baby had raised his right thumb like a 'good' sign to show us! She told us that usually babies will be fist-tighted and holding it upright, and very rarely, you get a baby who shows a thumbs up!! The technician shows there were babies before who showed a victory sign, how amazing that is!! 

Ok to the part where I teared. The scan was progressing and 3 of us (KL, me & the technician) were laughing over the thumbs up from small small baby and after that the technician were busy taking a lot of shots from the scan to put them onto a CD for us. I watched the images flashed one after another in front of my eyes, and I couldn't control my emotions anymore! We finally have a baby, and a growing and normal baby!! I find it hard to come to terms especially when I remembered the very traumatizing miscarrage less than 1 year back when my baby was cruelly taken away from us!

But God is good! He is forever full of love and compassion for us! He gave me this second chance which I am so grateful of!

KL is a very happy father-to-be as he kept reminscing about the details of the scan and how our small small baby is such an amazing creature inside his mommy's stomach now!! 

I love you, small small baby and mommy and daddy can't wait for the day to say this to you in person..

Shopping urges!!

I have always been a shopaholic, and I am not ashamed to admit it. But never did I think that my pregnancy hormones actually induce a lot more shopping urges than before! 

It makes total no sense to be drawn to loose, unflattering maternity wear unless you have always been yourself in plus-sized clothes! No, I wasn't attracted to those; but instead the usual pretty clothes in 2 sizes bigger than my pre-pregnant size. 

I love browsing thru racks full of the clothes I would buy without a baby bump, at H&M, Zara, Mango, Cotton On, etc. Then subsequently I get bumped, seriously bumped, because I look fat in those nice clothes meant for slim girls! 

The low-morale me decided to move away from pretty frocks and look at shoes and bags! At least there is no separate 'maternity' category for these 2! 

But I was wrong. Very easily I find myself in situations like "pregnant woman shouldn't wear wedges/heels!", or "this confined style is not suitable for pregnant woman when our feet starts to swell!" and "the shoes not comfortable enough for long walking!" Eventually I ended up drooling over pretty Melissas, funky Brikenstocks and choosing from Crocs..  :(

To me, comfort is the main consideration now where design and style comes after. There is no point flaunting an expensive or gorgeous pair of sandals only to realise you can't actually walk in them! 

I am also starting to reduce the number of stuff I have in my bag daily. As my stomach grows, walking is a challenge and panting or catching my breath is common. So, to make walking (an inevitable task every Monday to Friday) an easier feat for me, I need to go light. Less things in my bag or a smaller bag means I don't have to exert more energy lugging my bag when I walk. 

Waiting for the day where I can simply show up at work with one of my nice little sling bags, and walk with so much ease and comfort.. 

Stress level

I am officially declaring herein that it is such tough work to be expecting a second child while having to juggle work, your first child amongst many other family issues. 

If there was a machine (medically designed or not) to measure my current stress level, you will know that I am not exergerrating. 

Work has been especially crazy, and it is almost impossible to avoid the heavy workload when there is only so much I could delegate. I did considered the fact that I might have to go on part-time if I am getting too much stress from work, so as to minimize the possibility of my pre-emclampsia condition from recurring. Told my bosses this and they were empathic, and of course all of us were hoping that I won't have to go down this route. 

On managing Rianne, I can almost hear myself begging for God's grace to help me tide through every single episode of her headaches and vommitting. It is hard for me as I really am so helpless in these situations and could only pray that those horrible headaches and discomfort will pass as quickly as possible! 

Her school work is the other contributing factor to my high stress level. There's no way I could spend a significant amount of time going through her daily homework, upcoming spelling tests and assessment to mention even read her a proper bedtime story. By trying to complete all of those listed, it would mean that I'l only get to have my dinner past 9pm (10pm at times if Rianne fall asleep later), and have my shower after that before I can finally collapse onto my bed after a hard long day.

It is certainly not fair to my unborn, and I do know that I am not eating as much as I should be at this stage of my pregnancy. I won't blame my husband if he was to accuse me of being negligent to the well-being of my baby! But, I need help..

Sometimes I do wish that people around me can see, remember, bear in mind that I am a pregnant woman. Being pregnant is not a disability, but it means that I am not as good in handling anything too physical, too emotional or too stressful at this point of time; no matter how tough a woman I am. 

The 2nd trimester

For mothers or soon-to-be mothers, you will probably feel the same as me about the second trimester in your pregnancy. 

A happy period where you start to see your baby's limbs and other vital organs being formed and the little movements spotted through the ultrasound scan each time you are at your checkups. 

Both KL and I were ecstatic when our baby moved his arms during my scan, and Dr Wee snapped a picture of him with his right arm high up; as if like he was waving to everyone who was looking at him through the monitor!  

Apart from this happy moment, I was able to feel my appetite returning. I have the appetite to eat more than before in that naseous first trimester. But, I wasn't gaining weight. In fact, I had lost some weight. 

In terms of my food intake, I am taking my meals at regular times as much as possible, and ensuring that I eat healthily; like a well-balanced meal. I find it harder to enjoy/finish my dinner though, and I wonder if it's because I typically have to rush through the meal in order to be able to put Rianne to bed. 

I also started to venture into drinking more water. I realised that it doesn't turn me off as much as before, and I am gradually increasing my water intake by drinking a full glass of water when I take my meds instead of just half a glass. I find this to be a huge improvement, as I am seriously worried if I may eventually become dehydrated or diabetic due to the lack of H2O.

Another exciting part for some mothers would be the time when your baby's gender is being revealed at the detailed scan. Unless you choose not to know, else I bet all parents would be filled with anticipation as they wait for the gynae/ultrasound technician to announce  if it is a boy or a girl you are expecting!

For us, we knew the gender of our baby when I was 11 weeks pregnant. Fetal sex was one of the test components of the harmony test I did, and the results came back to us 1 week after my tubes of blood were sent to the lab in US. 

I didn't exactly prefer one gender over the other as I only care if my baby was healthy (if there was a significant risk for Down Syndrome and other bone deficiencies). Although KL didn't declare his preferance, I am guessing he would be happy if I was expecting a baby boy. Well, it turns out that I am indeed having a baby boy and to me, this news on top of knowing my baby's normal (aka low risk for Down and others) was more than wonderful! 

With my baby's gender now known, the debate is on whether he should have a name with the first letter as 'K' or 'R'. It should be a 'K' since Rianne who is a girl follows my name with the first letter being 'R'. KL likes the name 'Rowan' and I agree it is nice. But I really wish he could respect the naming convention I have set, and finds a name which begins with 'K' for our baby. 

The search for the 'K' name now begins..

The annoying husband

Seriously, I cannot stand how insensitive, immature and annoying the husband can be during the wife's pregnancy! 

In my first pregnancy, I was both quick and hot tempered. I was so independent being single and expecting, since Daddy D was in the UK that time, and we weren't gonna get married ultimately. This time I felt the same, equally independent and enpowered to do a lot of things on my own without the need to rely on KL. I think because of this, I always feel annoyed by things/suggestions from KL. 

Not like I get mad over the slightest thing.  But rather the things/comments from him were the bluntest ever, without a slight consideration to the person listening to him. 

Things from superstitions in pregnancy to pregnancy woes to confinement. He know nuts about them, but yet his comments were ultra-insensitive that makes you feel like telling him to shut up or simply shut him up yourself with a tight slap! 

I don't know. I really need to care less about how annoyed I feel with KL, his words and his actions. I only make myself  angry and unhappy, which is not good at all for the baby. 

If I can wish for something, I wish that all men can put themselves in the pregnant wife's shoes and be a bit more thoughtful, sensitive and understanding on the kind of hormonal, physical and mental changes we are going thru, and leave us alone for goodness sake!! Do only what the husband need to do and don't unnecessarily make 'small actions' to annoy the pregnant wife. 

Thank you, husbands.

High time?

Ok, i think its about time I reveal..

God has been really kind to bless me with another little angel! I cannot thank HIM enough for his wonderful blessings, and the strength HE gave me to press on through the very difficult first trimester of my pregnancy!

As per my past pregnancies, I was spotting very early at the start. In fact, I thought I was having my period and I was all ready to bring on the chunky-uncomfortable-sanitary pads-changing week! But I realised it is not looking anything like the normal menstruation I would have, and decided that maybe I should do a pregancy test.

It was funny how I was saving my very first pee of the day for the test, despite how 'urgent' I needed to go! 

I sat on the toilet bowl, holding the test stick in my hand, and refusing to peep at the results. I wasn't ready to face another disappointment, though we didn't try to conceive accordingly to what would have been the right date/time to try. Still, the anticipation would have killed me; so I eventually had to look. And, there it was! 2 lines appeared on the little window of the stick which means "I'm pregnant!"

It was such an overwhelming joy that I have to share the news with someone, and that someone was no other than Rianne!! I woke her gently from her sleep and told her that "Mommy is having a baby liao!" Her little sleepy eyes opened with bewilderment, and I had to wave the pregnancy test kit in the air to signal to her that the test has proven so. 

Of course the next person to know about my pregnancy was KL. I can't tell exactly how thrilled he was, as he probably was just trying to be as practical as he can be, on the account that we lost a baby a few months back.. 

The decision on not to go back to Dr Han was kinda determined by myself instead of with KL. I knew that only my previous gynae, Dr Wee, would do anything to ensure my pregnancy is not prematurely terminated. I know that I would be in good hands with him, and that his cost (completely private now) will definitely be worth it. It didn't take long for KL to come to the same realisation, as Dr Wee did all he can to prevent me from losing my baby in the same way I did before. 

On my first appointment with him, he placed me on hospitalization leave immediately and gave me a jab to strengthen my foetus while I take bedrest for the next 2 weeks. I was following Dr Wee's advice for the majority of time, but I still chose to work from home some days and even hosted a company event at an old aged home on one of the days! 

The spotting did not stop after 1 week, and Dr Wee gave me another jab. The 2nd week when I was still bleeding, Dr Wee ordered me to be hospitalized. He found a blood clot just above my foetus from the scan and says it isn't good if the spotting still persists. He very clearly says the key priority is to stop the bleeding and ensure I don't lose my baby like the last time. Hence, to be admitted and be on complete bedrest is the best option for me. 

While he gives me another jab (my third already!), I cried and thought of my previous miscarriage. I don't want to go through the same again, I want to protect my baby! With these in mind, I admitted myself to KKH the following day. I was there for a total of 3 days, lying on the bed and only getting off for nature's calls and showers. I stopped bleeding on Christmas Eve and was discharged. 

I count my blessings everyday and thank God for granting me with this second chance to mother a new little life. Because of HIS love, I am able to blog here and tell the whole world that I'm going to be the proud mother of a baby boy!! :)

My precious, my flesh & blood

I almost can't believe that, the little cute body, the tiny limbs with chubby chub chub fingers & toes is now 7 years of age and entering the most important milestone of her life - primary school education. 

My precious baby is all grown up. She now carries a school bag that is as big as her entire upper torso, and wears a school uniform with skirt/shorts hemming over her knees! She even shoo-shoos me away when I stand peeping at her in the canteen on the 3rd day of school!

The experience of Rianne going into primary school has been overwhelming for me. The added responsibilities to ensure that I pack her school bag and snacks box according to the timetable, have her school uniform ironed and ready, prepare her daily allowance, check and sign off her Pupil's Handbook and any other memos to the parents, etc. These and the unbreakable committment of being home on time to tuck her to bed, started to take its toll on me. I learnt that I need to rest as early as Rianne each night so as not to break the daily momentum. 

In a way, this is good. I hardly ever went to bed at 8.30pm or even 9pm. I feel very much rested, though sometimes I struggle a little to fall asleep. This is a smart move as afterall, I have another little life inside of me now, relying on me to grow and develop well.. :)